The Hound And Her Decidedly Useless Sidekick

Finals are upon us.

As we have established in many of my earlier posts, I am not a huge fan studying. I am however, a fan of procrastination.

The other day I had my very first final as a university student. To say that it was an "experience" would be putting it mildly.

We were warned that the whole procedure would be a rather professional affair and were instructed to act accordingly.

Mostly we were reminded countless times not to forget our identification cards and to bring a black or blue pen. We were also told that under no circumstances were you to rip, crumple or in any way damage the answer sheet lest your page become unreadable to the computer.

All these things in mind, we were a frenzied and anxious bunch as we waited for the proctors to come tell us where to sit and what to do.

The proctors hurried in a few minutes before the exam was scheduled to start and started to sort things out. One of them (we'll call her The Hound) began to bark out orders telling us which rows and seats to sit in and to come sign up after finding a suitable seat. The other one (The Hound's seemingly carefree sidekick) seemed nonplussed by the frantic students around her as they fought over seats and trampled each other in order to reach the front of the room to sign up for the exam.

It took some time but we all managed to make it to the front of the room to receive an answer sheet in return for our signatures. After we had all returned to our seats, The Hound called for silence and announced that the rules for this test were the same as the rules for every other test.

Panicked faces stared back at her. "But its our first test!" one student cried "How do I make X's in the boxes?!" shouted another "What if I have to pee?" exclaimed a third. The Hound was unamused  by the sudden outbursts. She attempted to explain that we should mark the boxes off the way that the way that it was very clearly shown on the answer sheet.

As a group of highly educated individuals, we naturally had a very hard time grasping this concept. The Hound let out a low growl and then declared that since we were having so much trouble, they would quietly come explain it to us one by one while the others got started on the exam which was now about half an hour behind schedule.

We nodded in agreement as The Hound and her sidekick went to the back row and began the tedious process of showing us how to properly mark off our papers. After a couple of minutes of awkward silence The Hound looked up and noticed that none of us had received the actual exam and thus were unable to begin.

The Hound looked around the room for her sidekick "Where are the exams?" she growled at her ever so cheerful counterpart, "I don't know." she shrugged back. The Hound glowered at her for a moment before stomping down the stairs to the front of the room to retrieve the tests from the desk.

She tore open the package and began slamming the exams down in front of the slightly terrified students. Finally grasping the situation, her sidekick arrived to help give out the exams. Once we had all received our exams we were once again told to begin and they went back to showing people how to make X's in boxes.

It was quiet for a while aside of The Hounds stomping up and down the stairs as she had to get new answer sheets for the people that somehow managed to mess up their papers. I began my exam and was surprised to discover that I actually recognized a lot of the words on the test. Having had enough of the insanity, I quickly circled my answers and marked them down using the instructions on the answer sheet.

Halfway through marking down my answers I heard the laboured breathing of The Hound as a drop of sweat rolled off her forehead and onto the desk, narrowly avoiding my page. I looked up into her face unsure of what to expect and was met with an extremely strained smile. I showed her my paper and asked if it was filled in alright.

She glanced at my paper and hurriedly reached for her glasses (which were actually already on her face) and accidentally sent them flying across the floor. She scurried after them, picked them up, shoved them back on her face and resumed squinting and sweating over my paper. There were a few moments of panic as I hoped the sweat wouldn't land on my paper before she let out a sigh of relief and congratulated me on not messing up before moving to the next person.

Feeling rather pleased with myself I confidently guessed the answers that I didn't know and handed my test in.

Things Get Heated

Finals are creeping up and I think the stress is starting to get to us.

Today in chemistry the teacher almost had a mental breakdown as she was desperately trying to explain a simple concept to her very frustrated and confused students.

The classroom was arguably warm. "Do you guys feel that? It's hot in here right?" the teacher asked before attempting to turn off the heat only to discover that it was out of her control. "How do I turn it off? What do I do? Why are you just sitting there?". She stood at the front of the room waving her arms and looking at us with wild eyes "SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!" she pleaded.

After the initial shock wore off someone explained to her that there was no thermostat in the room and in order to change or turn off the heat, you had to call the number on the door. Someone stepped outside to call the number while another student opened the windows. Things settled down and the teacher resumed berating us with unfamiliar material that she had made a futile attempt to teach us last week.

Her belligerent badgering was of no avail. She could not succeed where so many other lecturers had failed. It was seventy tired and stressed students against one overheated professor (whom I suspect has a "bun in the oven"). The rest of the class went pretty much as expected. We understand chemistry as well as we understand all the rest of our classes. Which is, not at all.

Sometimes I wonder how a group of seemingly intelligent people can be so hopelessly incapable of understanding what should be simple concepts. It's like we know they're trying to communicate with us but we just don't know what they're saying.

Your future nurses, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't panic.

We know what we're doing.

Fridge Roulette

This past week we played another enthralling round of "Oregano or Mold?" featuring a rather old jar of tomato sauce. The game is quite simple and infinitely more exciting than studying for finals.

Here's a quick rundown of how it goes:
1. Find a particularly old jar of tomato sauce in your fridge. 

2. Open said jar and wonder how long its been open and why you haven't gotten around to eating it. 

3. Realize that you wrote the date that it was opened on the lid and feel slightly disgusted.

4. Decide in all of your infinite wisdom that despite the ambiguous looking green fluff on the side, you should definitely eat it.

5. Taste the sauce and confirm your earlier suspicion that there was a 98% chance that the green stuff was mold and not oregano.

6. Head over to your garbage and dispose of the moldy sauce (which honestly, you should have done weeks ago or at least once you realized that it had been open for over two months....)

And that concludes last weeks round of "Oregano or Mold?".

The great thing about this game is that you can easily replace "Oregano" with a variety of other things that you probably have in your fridge.

Another great thing about this game is that at the very least, you may end up cleaning out your refrigerator.

In any event, its a great way to avoid studying so naturally I'm a fan.

The Snowpocalypse: A Brief And Fleeting Tale Of The Storm That Wasn't.

A few weeks ago meteorologists began to talk of a massive storm that was supposedly going to hit the country.

As the days went by the weather reports became drearier as there were promises of sharp winds and below freezing temperatures, all of which pointed towards a heavily anticipated snowpcoalypse. In wake of last year's snowy disaster (which left many of its citizens shivering in the cold with no electricity), the country vowed to do everything in its power to be prepared for the oncoming weather.

Emotions ran high as the citizens of the country alternated between mass hysteria and unbridled excitement. As the temperature began to drop they ransacked the stores as they scoured every last corner for groceries, batteries, mittens, hats and anything else that they felt they might need. Lest they be trapped unprepared for the upcoming storm.

Tuesday morning was grey and dreary. I battled my way up the mountains against the winds and arrived at school looking rather wind blown. The winds only continued to to grow stronger as a dark fog rolled in. In wake of the impending storm I began to receive notifications about canceled classes.

Not wanting to potentially get caught alone in my apartment with no electricity I decided that the time had come to make a run for it. I made my way down the mountain and back to my apartment to pack up whatever I might need for the next couple of days. Plenty of extra socks, leggings and underwear went into my bag and I put on so many layers that it was a little hard to move.

On my way to the bus stop I saw a tree half uprooted from the winds and determined that running away was probably the best course of action. I got to the bus stop and got on a bus heading towards Jerusalem where I sought refuge at my friend's apartment.

Em's apartment was warm and cozy. We ate dinner and then went out on a little adventure to stock up on extra food for just in case. The supermarket was a madhouse with people rushing in and out grabbing what they could. We got some milk and eggs (which the store was surprisingly not sold out of) and then headed back to the warm and safe confines of Em's apartment for a good nights sleep.

Wednesday morning was cold and rainy but there was still no sign of snow. I put up a pot of soup as others came to seek shelter from the icy rain and winds. We spent most of the day watching movies, pretending to study and taking turns sticking our heads out the window to check for the highly anticipated snow.

Finally in the late afternoon the rain turned to an icy slush and then to flutters of snowflakes. We sat near the windows cheering it on and hoping that it would stick.

A few hours later, it looked like some of the snow had stuck around so we layered up and headed outside to see what we could find.

There was a lot of rain mixed in with the snow so it didn't really stick. We made the best of it and scraped the snow off of cars and benches to dump armfuls of snow on each other and pelt each other with snowballs.

After we were sufficiently soaked and frozen through and through we headed back inside to have a nice warm dinner. A few other people showed up and we had an impromptu snow dinner party. By the time we were done with dinner the rain had washed most of the snow away. We headed to bed with our fingers crossed hoping to wake up to snow covered rooftops.

Our prayers went unanswered and we woke up to piles of slush and a steady rain. The peak of the storm had passed and left us feeling slightly cheated. We hung out for a while before everyone decided that it had come time to part ways.

I packed up my stuff and caught a bus home to The Sun House where I had a very quiet shabbos.