Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Security Scrutiny

The early morning hours are not my finest hours. I often struggle to find the balance between grace and functionality.

Ideally I like to wake up at a normal time and take my time showering, getting dressed and eating breakfast before leaving the house for the day. When I leave the house before the sun rises, my priorities are a little different. And despite my best efforts to look like a presentable member of society, things have a way of going awry.

The other morning was no different than any other.

My alarm clock went off at precisely 4:45am and I did my very best to ignore it. Five minutes later it rang again, I sighed and made a pitiful attempt to get out of bed. Having failed at getting out of bed I moved on to the next order of business, clothing. Getting dressed consists of me blindly flailing my arms in the direction of my conveniently placed clean laundry basket in order to acquire a pair of pants, underwear, two socks and some sort of shirt and/or sweater and then donning said articles of clothing.

Next I made a more successful attempt at getting out of bed and turned on the light. Satisfied with my choice in clothes I moved to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face in the frigid water which doubles as an extra wake up call. From there we move down the stairs and into the kitchen where I make a cup of coffee in a travel mug to drink on the bus.

As I begin to bundle myself up in my winter gear, I notice a lonely chocolate chip muffin sitting in the cabinet begging to be eaten. After a brief moment of hesitation I grab the muffin and stick in my bag to have with my coffee in a seemingly innocent act. Thus, unknowingly changing my fate.

Mere moments later I grab my bag and head out into the early morning darkness to catch my bus. The first bus ride passes without a hitch. I disembark and make my way to the bus stop across the street to wait for the inner-city that takes me to the hospital. The bus arrived right on schedule and I sat down in my usual seat. My hand brushed against the travel mug and my stomach grumbled.

As I sat on the bus sipping my lukewarm coffee I remembered the muffin. Smiling I reached into my bag and retrieved the muffin. I don't know if you've ever tried eating a muffin while holding a coffee cup on a bus that happens to be driving down a exceptionally uneven road before, but in my experience it is not an easy task.

I arrived at the hospital feeling slightly more disheveled than usual and made my way to security as I do every morning. Each morning the security guard and I have roughly the same conversation...

Security guard: Good morning.
Me: Good morning.
Security guard: Student?
Me: Yep.
Security guard: I have to check your bag anyways because you're not an employee..
Me: OK...
*Security guard checks bag, finds nothing of interest*
Security guard: OK, have a nice day!
Me: thanks, you too.

This mornings conversation went a little bit differently:
Security guard: Good morning student!
Me: Good morning.
Security guard: You've got some coffee on your pants...
Me: Yep.
*Security guard continues to stare at my pants*
Security guard: It's in like, 3 places...
Me: I noticed, thanks.
*Security guard shakes head in apparent disbelief*
Security guard: It's a little noticeable.
Me: Thanks for pointing it out...
Security guard: I'm still gonna have to check your bag.
Me: Enjoy
*Security guard halfheartedly checks bag while still staring at the noticeable coffee stains on my pants*
Security guard: Well then, have a nice day..
Me: Sure, you too...
*Security guard giggles to himself*
Security guard: Maybe next time try to get more coffee in your mouth and less on your pants!

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